Fear not, ladies and gentlemen, I have not stopped fighting the good fight against misogyny. Fear, ladies and gentlemen, because I and women everywhere continue to experience it on a daily basis. For this next installment of Caricatures in Misogyny, I am going to tell not one long story but rather several small but nevertheless damaging-to-society instances that I have unfortunately been party to in the past few weeks. I'll repeat this at the end, but I want you all whom I know experience this fiasco of a society on a daily basis to submit to me your stories of any length, tone, and style!
A diagram I actually had to type out to tell someone because they couldn't seem to understand what I was saying:
“Girls claim they only want to hook up → because they think that is what guys want to hear → therefore they will be accepted → because society trains females to seek acceptance from men → ergo society is fucked up”
Actual words from a male:
“Well then why do girls wear no clothing nowadays? Girls simply don't realize how visual guys are. If you understood that if you barely show any cleavage, or wear tight jeans, then we are going to get hard, and then its hard to control ourselves. Women have beautiful bodies. When we see a girl with a good body wearing nothing it takes every fiber of our being not to get transfixed. It's human nature. What if all women dressed modestly, like Amish people? I guarantee you that will help solve the problem.”
I don't think I have to explain the multitudes of fuckedupery contained in this passage to anyone who is reading this, but a short outline just in case:
Women have the right to dress however they please. Claiming that women should dress so that men have an easier time controlling themselves implies that it is a woman's responsibility to make sure that men are always comfortable and at ease, rather than the fact it is a man's responsibility to learn to control himself because we are all adults. Using the 'human nature' argument is equally dubious because it takes the fault away from men and blames it either on women or these 'mysterious forces of human nature' and thus doesn't hold men accountable for their actions.
Actual situation I encountered with a male:
A guy tried to convince me to sleep with him after telling me that he and his ex girlfriend have been talking and will probably be getting back together soon. He wanted to 'have fun' before being tied down again, I suppose. I said no because I would feel too guilty doing that to another girl (And I said no because, what? Gross.) and he replied that he didn't get it, she was dating other people too. Sure she was hombre, sure she was. He then continued to text me for 5-7 days after until I told him to stop.
The issue with this, besides the obvious ew, is that although he was being honest about wanting 'casual fun,' (again, ew) is the scenario from this perspective: let's imagine that I did have a casual fling with this guy. Afterwards, he gets to go back to the comfort of his relationship and have emotional intimacy with someone while having had a last 'single guy hurrah.' I, on the other hand, would have gone back to being alone and would now be sad. Sounds pretty lame, and the fact that I actually had to explain this to him - that he couldn't imagine that scenario on his own - is pretty disturbing.
A few weeks ago I was at a bar and a guy was talking to me. I didn't want to talk to him. The reason was that he was creepy, but does there need to be a reason? I politely excused myself and was talking to my friend who was visiting. He very audibly in a loud bar said to my friend, “Why is your friend ignoring me?”
I turned back to him and said “I'm sorry, I'm just trying to catch up with my friend here.”
He replied, “Wow, you're friend isn't even talking to you,” because she was engaged in multiple conversations at the same time, as visitors tend to be.
This horrible man proceeded to stand silently sulking at my friends and I until we moved to a separate part of the bar.
Why did he think he had the right to my attention? Why did he think it was acceptable to pester me about why I was ignoring him? Who gave him permission to question my interaction with my friend? The patriarchy, that's who.
I hope you enjoyed, by which I mean were disgusted by, these small samplings of misogyny from the last month of my life. I would love (by which I mean hate but be grateful for) to hear about instances from your own life for future installments of the series. I would love submissions written by you, but if you have a story to tell and aren't the penning type, you can tell me your story in person or on Skype or phone and I can write it. My good friend whose recent misfortunes are the topic of the next installment gave me this great idea. Stay tuned for her story of a horrid cheating man with many twists and turns.
As always, although I share these stories of misogyny, I am continually grateful for the love and support of my many male feminist friends who make it a hundred times easier to live in this place we call society. I by no means hate men, I love them, I just want to do my part to illustrate the problems with the way many men are trained to think it is acceptable to act.