I'm so pleased to announce my first guest writer here at Caricatures in Misogyny. Here lie the words of the venerable Lauren Hohle, a fellow Johnston alum and one of the greatest peers I had the pleasure of writing alongside in a workshop. Two pieces, without further ado...
The Sexual Prowess of Fat Losers
He wagged his gut at me and Janice and asked, “Who wants me?” Neither of us responded, so he licked his lips and tapped an imaginary microphone. “Is this thing on?”
We were silent because we were at work and we had to be nice to him, and as the saying goes, we didn’t say anything at all.
His t-shirt said, “I just pooed a little,” and the text jiggled as he tried to flirt. “You going to come sit with me?” he asked, girth jouncing to the rhythm of his words. “Hold my hand during the scary parts?”
He was fat and old and under my uniform was a young body and a person inside of it. A person capable of more than the regulation of butter-bile into fat losers’ corn-sacks.
A short selection from a work in progress titled “Letters”
Dear David, or Ike, or whoever you were,
You were a football type, large and brusque, but a big softy. You were a mentor to me. For at least the week of camp, probably longer. Something you said has stuck with me. You told me, “Never date a guy, no, never talk to, never deal with a guy who doesn’t respect you.” At the time I found it empowering, flattering. But now I realize how privileged an idea it was. One that surely only a football type week-long mentor at a Christian camp could think of. I remembered this when serving Coke Zero to a football type like yourself, a person I couldn’t refuse. It is my job to deal with people who don’t respect me. Who talk down to me, call me Sugar. Did you think I’d never have to work? Be a princess imprisoned in a tall tower waiting for a nice man to marry me before taking my virginity? In your world, a world where disrespectful men exist, what did you imagine I’d be doing?